Both being Catholic, it was no question we would not be using birth control, but that left us only ONE option. Well, two if you count the Duggars option! (Which we may get to one day, but that's another story for another time). But for now, Tommy remains in school finishing his degree and I remain teaching my preschool tinies day in and day out, so we turned to NFP, or Natural Family Planning.
We have both agreed that once we do have our own babies, I will stay home with them to
Now, some may scoff at the way that is worded. TRY to avoid pregnancy? That sounds promising! I tend not to mention it to others because I know the response I will get, "Good luck with that," "You'll have 30 kids in 10 years," "Blah blah blah."
I started keeping thorough charts back in April 2013 when we got engaged. By the time we were married, (ahem, 8 months later) I felt like a pro! I could pick up on an early ovulation, a late one, know why my cycle was longer than last month, and on and on and on! We came to our wedding night with great confidence! We knew how to do this!
Then all of a sudden, panic. What if it doesn't work? Am I ready for a baby? Was that hiccup morning sickness? Oh no! Then I made him worry, "Well I thought you said it was okay?!" he finally said to me. The books I read promised that NFP was a reflection of the Holy Trinity and marriages can be closer than ever because of the respect NFP requires within spousal love. Was I being open to life? Was I talking myself out of having a baby? Was it too late to talk myself out of it? We nervously went back and forth.
I finally told him, "Listen, it's just new. Once we get through our first month, and everything is still normal, we will feel much better about it. There is no way I am pregnant," I heard myself say. I knew it was true, and yet it still felt like a lie. I had never done this before! And now, here I am, lying to my new husband! Oh, great. How could this be good for our relationship? I wondered.
It was a Tuesday morning, the last day of our honeymoon, and we went back to Corpus Christi where we had gotten married just 4 days before. Tommy forgot my wedding ring at the ceremony (again, another story for another time) so we were bringing it back to Fr. Trout for him to bless. We were a minute late so we shuffled into the quiet, nearly empty church as Father read the readings. As he stepped away from the pulpit to give his homily, he smiled at us and asked us to come to the altar! I turned bright red as we stood up and walked down the long center aisle. Fr. Trout then called another couple and their four children to come up, as well. Unbeknownst to Tommy and I, the other couple was renewing their wedding vows. Fr. Trout explained the situation to the people, re-blessed both of our rings, and had us repeat our vows again, as we did at the wedding, and slide them onto each other's fingers. Then, the older couple renewed their own vows.
When they were finished, Fr. Trout acclaimed, "4 days," motioning to us, "And 40 years" motioning to the older couple. I grabbed Tommy's hand and smiled at the couple who smiled back. Then, Fr. Trout turned to us, looked us right in the eye, and said, "You two will have children!" My insides tightened. Instantly, I was sure he knew something I didn't know. He continued on with his kind words, but I just felt sick--nauseous? pregnant? ughhh...it was hard to tell.
Suddenly, I fully understood the 2WW I had read about on a Facebook group about NFP. The 2WW was the two week wait between ovulation and Aunt Flo, better known as AF (I told you; abbreviations). For two whole weeks, everything I heard was babies, pregnancy, moms, etc. Another homily at Mass the following week was about the flowers that grow on the concrete pilings under highways, and how it makes no sense to us that life could take form there in that barren, man-made structure, but yet somehow a tiny bit of dirt settled and a seed just happened to be blown by the wind and land in that dirt, and there we have it--now there's a beautiful flower where it was completely unexpected.
In another instance, a little girl in my class drew a picture of me having a baby under a tree (probable knowing me, but still, why was I having a baby?) Kids always know these things. I strolled my class out to playground and we passed the Kindergarten class. Their teacher said, "Boys, and girls, let's congratulate Mrs. Schmidt!"
"Congratulations, Mrs. Schmidt," they hummed in chorus. One of my students echoed it, only adding her own part.
"Congratulations, Mrs. Schmidt--you're having a baby!" She exclaimed and clapped her hands.
But, as luck, or God's timing, would have it, after a very long 2WW, AF did arrive. I was relieved, confident and proud of myself. Then, I really got it! We can do anything! NFP is great! It does reflect the love of the Holy Trinity. It does make us respect each other, understand each other, and connect on different levels in our relationship.
It is hard, and it takes work, but that's the point! It also requires communication, listening, and respect. We're only 4 months into it, but I do feel quite proud knowing we could change our minds at any time. And that we are open to life if we are chosen to parent a little tiny of our own! But for now, we are okay to take a little time as newlyweds, prepare our new nest for our future tinies, and if we "mess up," we'll know exactly what we're getting ourselves into!
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